If it's something I love, it is to cook and bake. I probably got it from my mom as she was always baking and cooking alot of different things. And I loved it! Also I learned alot about it just by watching her, but she also let me to join in too, if I wanted to try something. I dont think I could ever be so patient if I should ever want to have kids.
Whenever I have friends over, I like to cook for them. Or even if it's just a gamenight we have or such, I atleast prepare some snacks for the evening, not a whole dinner. Also, it's no problem to cook up coffee/tea and omelettes at 4am if they should get hungry.
I like to surprise people I care about with little things, and one of them could also be serving nice dinner for them. It makes me happy to make others happy.
My favorite cuisine is most likely Italian. I love how it's so simple, fresh and you can taste the 'real' flavours of what you eat. Though I do also love Thai food for example too, so it varies, just like everything in my life when it comes to liking something it seems. hehe.
I remember that when I was younger and got home from school and started to cook lunch for myself, I always pretended that I was in a restaurant. First I was the customer, then I was the servant, then the cook, then the servant again and then the (happy) client, who ate it all up. I guess I had watched too many cooking shows, when I was in the kitchen preparing the meal.:)
As I have lived alone most of the time, yet coming from a big family, I've been having the problem of always cooking too much. So it's been common that I always either invite someone over for a meal or go visit someone and either take something with that I have prepared before or cook or bake something especially for that.
One of my latest discoveries when it comes to preparing food, was to bake own bread. It is delicious!
Unfortunately I usually forget to take photos of the things that I cook, but atleast I found one photo of lasagne, though bad quality but - I want lasagna now!!

This is probably one of the hardest things for me to write about.. I dont even know what to write.

I had a wonderful childhood up until I was 7 years old and my grandmother died. I have wonderful memories before that time. I got along with my parents, I adored them!
Eventually as a couple of years passed, I needed to learn how to be really indenpendent as my mom got a new job further away from home and my father started to have really long workingdays as he was running his own business. My sisters and brother were all older than me and already moved out, so .. I spent alot of time on my own after school etc. I cooked and cleaned when needed, did my homework.. Well, everything that was needed to be done. For a small kid it's quite alot to take on, even if I didn't see it like that at the time. It was ok at first, but then my mothers working schedule changed so that she was away for 2 weeks in a row. So all of a sudden - I was the one taking care of the household. By the time, drifting from my parents had already started.
I didn't remember my father being as tough on me before, but he did start to be that atleast. I dont know if it was because he felt that acting like that, he had more control over what was going on, because otherwise he was working all the time and wouldn't have known.. eventhough I was managing fine. Atleast up to a point - I had close friends, I was bright and in general a happy kid. But eventually I changed from being the happy energetic kid, who was trusted to the girl who was staying at home cooking, cleaning and doing my homework during the weeks my mom was away because of work. My father didn't like the few friends I had (left) where I lived, my best friend (whom he liked), had moved away too and he was controlling what I did and who I was with constantly. Even the kids were all good kids too, he basicly said I cant be friends with them any longer. Kids can be cruel so eventually all of that lead to teasing. I did have a couple of friends left though, but they lived further away too so we didn't have the opportunity to spend time together after school/during the weekends..
All of the stress of firstly being away from my mom from a very young age, having my father act like he did, which resulted in not having friends, being teased etc lead to phsychological problems. I was scared of everything and everyone mostly etc. I "learned" to keep my worries to myself as I didn't have anyone to tell them to .. all of that tension was building and building throughout the years starting from when my grandmother died, all through highschool (could easily be the worst time of my life) and eventually breaking up with my boyfriend. That breakup was what triggered my depression too.
As I was still financially dependant of my parents right after highschool too, I needed to go to university straight from highschool without having a clue of what I want to study. I needed to, because that was "how things needed to go". After the first year, I was already working and quit with the uni for the time being. Needless to say my father was furious.
Eventually I quit my job and moved to Spain as I couldn't take Estonia anymore .. I quit speaking to anyone from my family, I came back, was in Sweden, broke up with my boyfriend, got the depression, my fears and fobies got worse, yet I still didn't tell anyone what I was going through. When I was on my way of healing, I decided to go to university again .. yet again I had to get under the influence of my father, because I wasn't applicable for a student loan to pay the tuition. His power is (was) money, when he was paying, meant he had the power. I realised eventually I could not take it longer and that if I want to heal, I need to stop accepting his support and when I am able to pay for my school for myself, go back. And that is the road I am on now..
When I was small I was always blaming my mother of things my father did.. I love her to bits! And have apologized for the heartache I've caused her, she is the best! Eventhough we are two different people, we get along great and I really love her alot! As for my father .. I haven't seen nor talked to him for over a year now.
Time will tell how it'll go with that in the future.

I know this wasn't exactly that much about my parents, but as I dont have many memories with them, I chose to write more about how our relationships are.. Perhaps now through this text, you know again a bit more about me..

So here goes.. who am I..?!

I was born year 1987 in a small seaside resort-town called Haapsalu (Hapsal) located on the westcoast of Estonia. Haapsalu and the surrounding area was the center for the Swedish population in Estonia from the 13th century until the evacuation of almost all ethnic Swedes from Estonia in 1944. (So perhaps that's where my love for Sweden comes from..?!:))
But lets continue.. I didn't live in Haapsalu though, but closeby in a village so I was in Haapsalu fairly often.
After I finished with the 9th grade, I moved to the capital city of Estonia - Tallinn. I went to the German Highschool there so by the time I graduated, I had studied german for 10 years already. During highschool I also had the chance to take swedish lessons twice a week and it was the 4th foreign language that I studied there (other languages were german, russian and english).
My time in highschool was not the easiest .. I was not happy about my living situation (I lived with my sister and her boyfriend), because I did not feel like I had home and during weekends she didn't let me stay there even when I wanted to spend time with friends during the weekends so that meant I had to go 'home' to my parents. Also I had by the time been in the center of fighting parents and as my sisters and brother had already moved out, I was alone with that.. I felt alone and homeless. So eventually it had a big effect on my studies and my emotional state all in all. I was not happy, I didnt care about anything. I was stressed and eventually it led to anxiety and panic attacks and depression.  The fact that in basicschool I also was teased at times, did not have a positive effect on my selfesteem. Though that has passed now and friends have said that it's like I have come back to life. That I am happy and positive again. It was a really tough time but I got through it. Actually there is much more to write about why it all happened but I dont want to make this too depressive. The main thing is that now I feel happy and life gets better..

After highschool I went straight to Uni without having any clue what so ever about what I want to study. I did it because "everyone else did it" .. During the 1st year of studies I got a job as an editor at a womens-magazine which made me realize that it was a wrong step to continue studying because it was not what I wanted to study. So I continued to work there. By the time I had worked there for nearly a year, things with the management of the company started to go bad and I didn't feel like a valued employee at the company so I decided to quit and go see the world a bit. A month later I found myself in Marbella, Spain after a week or so of a roadtrip across Europe. Moved in to a villa in Puerto Banus and looked for work.. though I had thought to take a month off. What happened after a month was that I and another friend with whom I was there, decided to leave and go somewhere else. So we booked a flight to Helsinki to stop by from Tallinn and then we had thought to go to England.. that didn't happen.. I ended up going to Stockholm to be with my boyfriend (who is now my ex).. I loved it there and Stockholm became my hometown that I absolutely love. After some time we broke up and that was when I fell apart and had depression. I came back to Estonia to try and get it together but in reality it did not go so well. It was a real rollercoaster and I did things I cant explain to myself now why I did them. But eventually I started to see the sunrays behind the clouds and it was the first big step towards getting better..
Eventually I got back to Uni and majored with Scandinavian languages and cultures, now I am concidering to continue my studies in Sweden.
Now I work again and am also active with some youth-organizations on a volunteer basis and love it! I have gotten friends back in my life with whom I lost contact when I was sick. And I couldn't be happier about it. I still have a few stepbacks along the way but it happens rarely.
As a family is an important part in everyones life and how it'll go then I think I should also mention that my family relations are complicated. I dont communicate with my father nor my eldest sister.. With my mother we are becoming more and more closer and I am happy about that. I also get along very well with my other sister and brother. Time will tell how it'll be in the future but I dont think there will be any change in that matter... eventhough I really do would like having a close family. Parents and siblings I could call to whenever and that we would be like friends who want to spend time together.. Having a fatherfigure.. Having the feeling that I can get help from them whenever I am feeling down or have a problem..

So.. that was a somewhat short text of my background. I didn't think I would get this personal when writing this but it is what it is.. and if I should manage to help someone through speaking about my experiences then I am happy. It's those experiences that have made me who I am today. I have seen alot during my short life and have decided to put those behind me and am happy about that. I am thankful that I have learned to see things positive and - the glass is ALWAYS half full!;)

Hello!
I am back in the blogworld as I am missing to write .. and not just to write for myself but so that others can do it too. So - as the first posts are always harder to write, I thought I will start with a list that has been/is found on many blogs lately - the 30-day list, which goes as follows:

Dag 01 – Presentera mig själv
Dag 02 – Min första kärlek
Dag 03 – Mina föräldrar
Dag 04 – Vad bjuder jag på för mat?
Dag 05 – Vad är kärlek?
Dag 06 – Om det här vore min sista dag
Dag 07 – Min bästa vän
Dag 08 – Ett ögonblick som förändrade allt
Dag 09 – Min tro
Dag 10 – Mitt favoritplagg
Dag 11 – Mina syskon
Dag 12 – I min handväska
Dag 13 – Vardagslyx
Dag 14 – Självporträtt
Dag 15 – Mina drömmar
Dag 16 – Min första kyss
Dag 17 – Mitt favoritminne
Dag 18 – Ett pinsamt ögonblick
Dag 19 – Detta ångrar jag
Dag 20 – Mina förebilder
Dag 21 – Mina dåliga sidor
Dag 22 – Det här upprör mig
Dag 23 – Hur muntrar jag upp mina vänner?
Dag 24 – Det här får mig att gråta
Dag 25 – Det här är jag bra på
Dag 26 – Mina rädslor
Dag 27 – Min favoritplats
Dag 28 – Det här saknar jag
Dag 29 – Det här ska jag bli när jag blir stor
Dag 30 – Min bästa grimas

Although I also speak swedish, I think at first I will write my posts in english, but probably will switch sooner or later.:) So - next post: Dag 01 – Presentera mig själv!