This is probably one of the hardest things for me to write about.. I dont even know what to write.

I had a wonderful childhood up until I was 7 years old and my grandmother died. I have wonderful memories before that time. I got along with my parents, I adored them!
Eventually as a couple of years passed, I needed to learn how to be really indenpendent as my mom got a new job further away from home and my father started to have really long workingdays as he was running his own business. My sisters and brother were all older than me and already moved out, so .. I spent alot of time on my own after school etc. I cooked and cleaned when needed, did my homework.. Well, everything that was needed to be done. For a small kid it's quite alot to take on, even if I didn't see it like that at the time. It was ok at first, but then my mothers working schedule changed so that she was away for 2 weeks in a row. So all of a sudden - I was the one taking care of the household. By the time, drifting from my parents had already started.
I didn't remember my father being as tough on me before, but he did start to be that atleast. I dont know if it was because he felt that acting like that, he had more control over what was going on, because otherwise he was working all the time and wouldn't have known.. eventhough I was managing fine. Atleast up to a point - I had close friends, I was bright and in general a happy kid. But eventually I changed from being the happy energetic kid, who was trusted to the girl who was staying at home cooking, cleaning and doing my homework during the weeks my mom was away because of work. My father didn't like the few friends I had (left) where I lived, my best friend (whom he liked), had moved away too and he was controlling what I did and who I was with constantly. Even the kids were all good kids too, he basicly said I cant be friends with them any longer. Kids can be cruel so eventually all of that lead to teasing. I did have a couple of friends left though, but they lived further away too so we didn't have the opportunity to spend time together after school/during the weekends..
All of the stress of firstly being away from my mom from a very young age, having my father act like he did, which resulted in not having friends, being teased etc lead to phsychological problems. I was scared of everything and everyone mostly etc. I "learned" to keep my worries to myself as I didn't have anyone to tell them to .. all of that tension was building and building throughout the years starting from when my grandmother died, all through highschool (could easily be the worst time of my life) and eventually breaking up with my boyfriend. That breakup was what triggered my depression too.
As I was still financially dependant of my parents right after highschool too, I needed to go to university straight from highschool without having a clue of what I want to study. I needed to, because that was "how things needed to go". After the first year, I was already working and quit with the uni for the time being. Needless to say my father was furious.
Eventually I quit my job and moved to Spain as I couldn't take Estonia anymore .. I quit speaking to anyone from my family, I came back, was in Sweden, broke up with my boyfriend, got the depression, my fears and fobies got worse, yet I still didn't tell anyone what I was going through. When I was on my way of healing, I decided to go to university again .. yet again I had to get under the influence of my father, because I wasn't applicable for a student loan to pay the tuition. His power is (was) money, when he was paying, meant he had the power. I realised eventually I could not take it longer and that if I want to heal, I need to stop accepting his support and when I am able to pay for my school for myself, go back. And that is the road I am on now..
When I was small I was always blaming my mother of things my father did.. I love her to bits! And have apologized for the heartache I've caused her, she is the best! Eventhough we are two different people, we get along great and I really love her alot! As for my father .. I haven't seen nor talked to him for over a year now.
Time will tell how it'll go with that in the future.

I know this wasn't exactly that much about my parents, but as I dont have many memories with them, I chose to write more about how our relationships are.. Perhaps now through this text, you know again a bit more about me..